Nolstagia
by Dark Flamingo
Summary: Sora wishes Riku and Kairi would jump into the water after him, but it’s to much to ask of them now.


Sora hadn't thought it be this way, but really, what had he expected? A fairy tale ending perhaps, with Kairi and Riku, so the three of them could be friends for the longest time, love hadn't really crossed his mind before.

The water was mild and salty as ever, tickling his tongue and swallowing him up. The island somehow seems less special at the age of fifteen, the sense of freedom and adventure dulled. The trees are the same, the makeshift buildings the same, the water as unchangeable as ever.

But Kairi and Riku, they were different, and perhaps that was why nostalgia was a constant weight in his gut, or why he felt the slightest bit lonely even when right beside them.

While he journeyed through the worlds, perhaps his vision of the future had included him and Kairi together, and then Riku, always right beside Kairi, grinning and joking in his strangely philosophical way. More than anything, he really wished for them to forever be the three friends, and then there'd be Tidus, Selphie and Wakka, a important piece of their lives, but yet still a background picture.

Sometimes Sora would feel terribly guilty, for all the time he was world-jumping missing Kairi and Riku, he had never once thought of Wakka, Tidus or Selphie, not even _once_ had he considered the fact that those three were _gone_. Gone with the warm sand and sea, gone with the school and the shops, gone with the city, gone with his home and gone with his mother.

His own mother. Guilt was bile at the back of his throat whenever he realized he had never missed his mother, when he thought of how desperate and scared she must've felt when she called for supper and found his room empty, and then when she looked out the window to see incoming darkness and to _be swallowed up by it_ probably desperate to know where her only child was.

Sora realizes now, a year later that he had been a terribly selfish boy, once upon a time. He realizes now that he wasn't a very thoughtful person, a chance encounter enough to satisfy his worried mind, or so he told himself. Fear had been constant, but not strong enough to be not be over-shadowed by the wondrous things he had seen and lived through.

Eventually he reasoned with himself, his thoughtlessness might've been born from his overconfidence in himself, his absolute trust in the wish to restore his home, the idea of failure alien to his naïve mind. Sora vowed to change. Sora vows, diving low below the water's surface, watching blurry fish swim by, not to be selfish. He supposes, this starts with giving in to the idea of Kairi and Riku.

"Hey Sora!" It's friendly, it's welcoming but he ignores it for the moment and with a large splash ducks back down and sinks to the sandy bottom, peering at the blurred images of seaweed and sand dollars. All along Sora had figured that when he found Kairi, the thought of her disappearing ridiculous, he'd always figured they'd be together, at least some small piece of his mind had thought that.

He had hopped from one world to the next, fighting strange creatures and even Riku, all in Kairi's name. But really, Riku had been the one to find Kairi, even though he had gone about it the wrong way, lost a bit of himself, he had done it _in Kairi's name_. He really had given so much for her, was willing to do so much, he was the one who deserved her, yet another competition won for Riku.

"_Sora_! Come on you lazy-bum!" It's not the same. The childish words of yesterday don't fit her voice, gone is the Kairi of two years ago, the Kairi who would wade through muddy waters and race through deep sand. The Kairi who'd readily explore with him when Riku was sick, the Kairi whose dreams rested on a small raft.

The raft. Sora had found it crumpled up against the rock wall, the raft that had carried all their dreams and hopes, it had been childish to hope for so much of some logs roped together, but it had been theirs, they had built their raft for themselves, they were going to use it to get off the island, because if it failed, they'd build another one. And another one. And keep rebuilding until another land, another world, was under their feet.

"Sora, are you just gonna shrivel up like a prune out there?" Riku asks, his voice comes from above, from the small circle of rock out a bit from the island. Riku's tree is what Sora had lovingly named the bench-like palm-tree that is planted soundly behind Riku, who smiles and tosses a rock down to him. "Come on,"

Sora shakes his head and ducks back down, he wants to keep floating in warm currents, laced with salt and memories. Sora wants to go back in time, get in a gummy ship and back paddle, back to times of rafts and exploration, back to when he was only six or seven, when rowing out to island required Riku on one paddle, Sora on the other.

Sora wants to be the three friends again, not the girlfriend and boyfriend, and their best friend. Sora doesn't want to be selfish, and more than that wants the best for Riku and Kairi, but he wants to be happy too, and he wants to race down the beach and play with wooden swords again. These thoughts are childishly hopeful and he tells himself that he's being pathetic.

His head breaks the water, salty spray obscuring his sight, he blinks up at Kairi and Riku staring down at him in amusement and mild worry, right then he wishes for them to jump into the water with him, but it is too much to ask of them, and Riku, extends a hand, and Sora ducks down, propels to the ground and pushes off the ground.

He just barely grips his hand and lets Riku pull him up, when he reaches the sandy ground he moves instantly for the tree, balancing precautiously indian-style on the smoothed bark, Kairi hoists herself up next to him and smiles kindly, Riku looks as if considering climbing up but instead settles for leaning against the trunk. Nostalgia tugs at Sora and he wonders if his friends are remembering that evening too, when their futures looked so bright and so easy.

Sora knows that his years of adventure are something to treasure, but he also knows that he had exchanged two years of his peaceful childhood for it, and he doesn't know which one he'd rather have, he supposes traveling from world to world was something interesting and reliable, and he misses The Restoration Committee like a bird misses the sky, but he misses his past like a Nobody must miss their heart.


End file.
